Saturday, January 22, 2011

I'm Over It

I want to be that mom....that person...who has a clean house, sends her two young, gentle mannered boys to daycare with teeth brushed, shirts (coordinating, mind you) tucked in and a full tummy of yummy pancakes she whipped up that morning. I want to show up at work, greet everyone with a smile as I glide into my office, twirl around in my chair to a cleaned, organized desk, sip my sugar free hazel nut, skim milked steamer drink thing as I catch up on email, (typed by well manicured hands), actually complete a project, eat a balanced lunch, drink my 32 ounces of water and get a workout in before I swing in to pick up my children who smile, wave and say thank you as they buckle themselves in, arrive home to create an amazing pot roast, potato and carrots dish and kiss my husband as he arrives home.Then I always pictured our family holding hands and praising God for our amazing day, discussing worldly topics and then settling in after bath time to a adventurous game of Candy Land. I would follow my nightly face washing, teeth flossing routine and wake up from a sound sleep feeling refreshed to enjoy a shopping adventure with girlfriends and catch up on the amazing lives we have... I want to be that mom......Correction - I thought I wanted to be that mom....then I became a mom and quickly got over it.

At this point, with Gunner turning four next month and Gauge's second birthday at the end of April, I'm happy to have a job and colleagues who understand my chaotic life, thankful my boys are at least clothed in the morning and lucky to still have a man in my life who puts up with me. I am working on a graduate degree, I run a pretty successful photography side business, for the most part people like me and I like them and I do my best with everything I have.Yet, part of me still thinks - and probably always will- that there is so much more... to do, to be, to see, to love, to embrace, to surround myself just simply enjoy.

 I've wasted a lot of time worrying about writing my first personal blog...because I wanted to be profound. I wanted to be interesting and insightful, witting at the very least. And if I could do all of those things, people would follow me. They'd fall in love with me, they'd tell their friends and pretty soon I'd have 5000 followers. And if I failed and had only mediocre entries with a plain page design, then I would probably have blogspot management emailing me to say "if your blog continues this consistent level of inactivity, we will need to shut it down." Again....I wanted to be AMAZING....then I became real with myself and quickly got over it.

And now I'm just going to write, I have always loved to write. I journal...well did before I had two boys...but I have journals from middle school up until the point of the random dates I remember to write down funny things my boys did or said to me. So I'm transferring my handwriting skills to typing - which I'm way faster at anyways. Who knows where this blog will go, or where I will go because of it....but I'm doing it and hope you enjoy following to see so much more of who I am!